Blog Archive
December click here to view/hide
 watchthevote2012 Facebook group is asking all people of Iowa to take video or pictures with their phone and upload the caucus vote results from your precinct onto their facebook page. Then go and post your video or picture on watchthevote2012. What a great idea for all people of Iowa to make sure their vote is counted. Please come to watchthevote2012 to help get this message out to all the voters of Iowa. Re post this message on your Facebook page and to as many Iowa Facebook pages as you can. h TL;DR - I think that Paul is a (possibly really, really racist and homophobic) nutter and can't defeat Obama.
October click here to view/hide
A refusal to vote for a gentleman who does not embody what we know is right. What I've learned from debating Ron Paul supporters. I hate these stupid little bastards. Just because I know all of you have missed me.
September click here to view/hide
The next time you hear someone say that tax cuts are for the wealthy, tell them that paying tax premiums on merchandise hurts the middle class and doesn't allow for the poor to buy many of the things they could otherwise. Ten years after the terrorist attack, how are we doing?
August click here to view/hide
The Endive editorial team promised to rebuild following a devastating attack on Tuesday by giant robots armed with lasers. The online news magazine was singed and split wide open by the largest giant robot with laser attack to hit Virginia since 2007.
"I am proud of the resolve shown here at The Endive," said Endive Editor-in-Chief Sid Bridge, "I'm damn proud. This office is now split into two distinct pieces. It will take weeks to clean it up and lots of glue, but I know my staff can handle The Endive editorial team promised to rebuild following the devastating 5.9 earthquake that struck the east coast Tuesday. The online news magazine was shaken to the point of nausea in the largest earthquake to hit Virginia since 1897.
"I am proud of the resolve shown here at The Endive," said Endive Editor-in-Chief Sid Bridge, "I'm damn proud. This office is a complete mess. It will take weeks to clean it up, but I know my staff can handle it."
Endive insiders were reluctant to report on The Endive editorial team promised to rebuild following the devastating 5.9 earthquake that struck the east coast Tuesday. The online news magazine was shaken to the point of nausea in the largest earthquake to hit Virginia since 1897.
"I am proud of the resolve shown here at The Endive," said Endive Editor-in-Chief Sid Bridge, "I'm damn proud. This office is a complete mess. It will take weeks to clean it up, but I know my staff can handle it."
Endive insiders were reluctant to report on Libyan rebels launched a bold panty raid on Muammar Gadhafi's Tripoli compound, emerging with armloads of captured underwear and a treasure trove of photos and video.
"The real moment of victory is when Gadhafi's underpants are captured and flown on the main flagpole in Tripoli," said Mustafa Abdul Jalil, chairman of the National Transitional Council, at a press conference.
More at The Endive:
http://www.theendive.com/html/article835.html
The American Slam Dancing Association found itself ill-equipped to deal with the deluge of phone calls it received after 50 billboards went up, mistakenly displaying their 877-WHY-ISLAM phone number.
"We set the hotline up to explain why slam dancing is a good thing," said association chairman Joey ‘Gutter Boy' Berkowitz, "I think the Muslim must have confused our 877 number with their 888 number. People need to call our hotline to find out ‘Why I Slam.'"
http://www.theendive.com/html/art It drives me crazy when I hear racists say "we will not elect another Black President this soon" - so here's my response to this comment when I saw it on a blog. A deafening flood of criticism resulted today when a line graph opted to point down. The graph, a standard two-axis line graph, featured a blue line that went steadily down. Government officials took offense.
"I don't know who this line graph thinks he is," said Tim Geithner, "But I hope it understands the ramifications of its mistaken actions. I'll get to the bottom of this as sure as eight plus twenty seven equals thirty-four."
The President, still pantless after yesterday's S&P downgra A massive sell-off of clothing was triggered today when S&P decided to downgrade The Gap's credit rating. The price of pants plunged forty percent as desperate people attempted to sell them at a furious pace.
President Obama tried to allay fears by addressing the American people today, but it did little too help when he entered the White House press room wearing no pants.
Read more: http://www.theendive.com/html/article832.html In short, Jews are "genetically wired" to keep pushing towards an era of universal comradery and responsibility; despite contemporary realities and short-term interests. You'd think that of all people, Jews would be the greatest advocates of 2nd amendment rights. But no, we hate guns.
July click here to view/hide
(more at http://www.theendive.com)
President Obama took to the steps of the Nabisco White House today to announce a breakthrough in bipartisan debt ceiling negotiations.
The new plan, which won a ringing endorsement from the Proctor & Gamble House of Representatives, brings in a significant amount of revenue from lucrative government advertising contracts. Truth speaks louder than bumper stickers! The world was rocked to the core today when it was attacked by angry low-resolution skeletons. The pixellated undead began chipping away at our collective hit points today, unable to take the world's issues anymore.
"All I was trying to do was invite friends to be on Google+ and suddenly a skeleton attacked me," said Kentucky native Daniel Spears, "It started yelling that it just didn't have time for another social network and who the hell was I to make him move all of his skeleton party pic From the Endive...
http://www.theendive.com
Unable to reach a compromise, President Barack Obama announced today that he and House Majority Leader John Boehner will resolve things with a pencil fight.
Republicans have refused to budge on tax increases, having pledged to block any higher taxes. Democrats insist on higher taxes because they hate people with money and would like to continue excessive spending on programs such as providing free condoms to sixth graders.
When both sides re Here are 10 things you might not know about our America's Independence Day. Independence was not declared on July fourth: It's true. The Continental Congress had all it could take of British rule on July 2nd. John Adams, however, asked that the records indicate it was the 4th because he didn't want to go to work on Monday. Nobody could really argue with that, so we've gone with it ever since.
New York was late: Yes, it's true, New York was late. This was mostly due to inferior forms of birth control in the 1700's. It was a false alarm, though.
http://www.theendive
June click here to view/hide
Newsweek and its new editor Tina Brown were blasted by critics this week after publishing a computer-generated photo showing Princess Diana partying with Pippa Middleton, Biggie Smalls and Grand Moff Tarkin.
http://www.theendive.com/html/article822.html Former Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich lashed out today, blaming his conviction on 17 counts of public corruption on a jury full of Quintessons. Quintessons are multi-faced beings featured in the 1986 Transformers cartoon movie who enjoyed handing out guilty verdicts.
"Leave it up to a corrupt judicial system to put my fate in the hands of a bunch of Quintessons," said Blagojevich, "I anticipate they will try to sentence me to death at the hands of the Sharkticons, but I plan on being full Reaction to New York passing a bill to legalize same-sex marriage. The new blog manager will now record your blog, include the entry into the network's national news feed, tweet about it, and post it to facebook. Not bad, eh?! :) Screw Iraq, screw Afghanistan. Bring 'em home. It's a word that by itself, mirrors a person's inner values. We should use it with care, but more often. The 2012 Republican field and why it makes me want to cry.
May click here to view/hide
President Barack Obama addressed a joint session of Parliament today and was largely ignored by a packed room full of bored British lawmakers.
"He looked very charismatic," said British Prime Minister David Cameron, "But we just had no interest in listening to a damn thing he said. Maybe that rock star-style speechmaking works on Americans, but if you don't drone on in a most droll manner, we just tune you out."
http://www.theendive.com/html/article813.html RNC Chairman Reince Priebus announced today that the party was looking for contestants in a reality show that would decide the GOP presidential frontrunners for 2012.
The announcement comes as popular contenders Donald Trump and Mike Huckabee indicated they would not pursue the office, leaving Mitt Romney and Ron Paul as the only well-known candidates.
http://www.theendive.com/html/article810.html
It's been described as "iconic" or the "photo of the century." It turns out that the famous "Situation Room" photo might not be what people think it is.
Sources revealed today that the photo was heavily edited by the White House press corps so that we would not know exactly what Obama and crew were gawking at. It wasn't the raid on bin Laden's compound. It was a video of Leonard Nimoy singing "The Ballad of Bilbo Baggins."
http://www.theendive.com/html/article808.html It's been a busy week for news – almost more than The Endive is equipped to cover. Because of these extenuating circumstances, The Endive presents its first ever News Roundup: A quick look at all the stories of the week following the successful liquidation and prompt submersion of Osama bin Laden.
http://www.theendive.com/html/article807.html
"He cannot be economically free, or even economically efficient, if he is enslaved politically, conversely, a man's political freedom is illusory if he is dependent for his economic needs on the State."
-Barry Goldwater
April click here to view/hide
Do we deserve to have ladder climbing politicians build their personal political resumes at the expense of "The People?" Satire from the Endive. Satire from The Endive.
February click here to view/hide
Free Libya Are not acts of violence a mode of "expression," Mrs. Clinton?
January click here to view/hide
Politicians like to use the word "democracy" a lot, but do they mean "freedom" when they say it? In other words, is democracy inevitably the same thing as freedom? I say no. Pros and Cons of Reefer. The State of the State of the State of the State of the Union's Brother's Sister's Co-Worker's Cousin's Aunt's next-door neighbor's poodle's chew toy.
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